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Is an emotional affair as devastating on a marriage as a “sexual” affair? It can be, but that doesn’t mean a couple can’t heal. An emotional affair usually means that there is a level of emotional intimacy, but they have not engaged in sexual intimacy. Marriage counselors are helping couple deal with issues of infidelity whether they stem from an online relationship, an old friendship, or a work-related affair.

Sam and Courtney are in couples therapy and share their story.

Courtney shares:

I know it sounds silly, but I met Jonathon on a Boxer board–for people who have Boxer dogs. Everyone’s really friendly there, and it started off that we’d chat a couple of times a week–about training our dogs, healthcare…things like that. Then Jonathon started instant messaging me privately–and I guess it grew out of there. Mostly we just email to text. I’ve only met him twice–for coffee. Sam found out about it–he read my texts and got really, really mad. I got drunk, left the house, called a friend to come and pick me up.

I know “technically” it was wrong, but Sam is so non-communicative–he barely wants to talk–about anything. We can go a whole week and barely talk to each other. He works days, I work nights, and when we are together, we’re both on our computers. I know we’ve fallen into some bad habits, but I don’t think I”m the only one at fault here.

Sam shares:

I don’t care what Courtney calls it, it’s an affair, not a friendship. She’s emailing and texting this guy constantly. If it were innocent, she would have told me–that proves she’s guilty. You can call it an emotional affair all day–I just think it hasn’t gotten to sex yet. I’m not sure I can trust her any more. I don’t like being this way, but every time she gets a call or gets on the computer, I’m suspicious. I know this isn’t helping our marriage, but I can’t help it.

Marriage counseling is helping Sam and Courtney understand what real intimacy is–and how each of them perceive it differently. Courtney is learning to let Sam in, to realize when she’s being too intimate with someone else, and to express when she needs more from Sam–if it’s a date night, a walk, or a back-rub. Sam is learning to open up and talk more about this little things. He’s learning to trust again, and how important it is to call, chat, be playful and spend time together throughout the week. It will take time, but Sam and Courtney are growing closer, laughing at the little things, and planning a future–together.

Related Posts

1. Counseling for Couples – When Love Needs to go the Distance
2. Talking About Marriage and Sex