Is Jealousy Destroying Your Marriage?
Posted by Admin | Posted in Marriage, Relation | Posted on 17-10-2009-05-2008
Tags: jealousy,Marriage,Relation
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Jealousy comes in many forms. It isn’t always about another man–or woman. We can be jealous of our spouse’s career, friendships, or family. We don’t think about it, but we experience jealousy more often than we care to admit. For some, jealousy can destroy their relationship. Marriage counseling can help couples share their feelings honestly–and find ways to deal with that green-eyed monster.
Eric and Kathy have been struggling with jealousy. Eric is from a big family, with five brothers who all live nearby. The guys have regular fishing weekends and sporting events. In fact, most weekends Eric can be found with one or more of his brothers. Kathy has learned to request at least one weekend night or time for just the two of them.
But lately, she’s beginning to question Eric in a different way. Eric’s new boss is a female, and she’s been requesting Eric to work more and more overtime on a “special project.” She calls him on his cell phone even when he’s home and on the weekend–and Eric says that a promotion is in his future. Kathy suspects that Eric’s boss is hitting on him. She’s tried to talk to Eric about it, but Eric gets mad and says that she’s always been suspicious.
Kathy shares:
“I don’t care what Eric says, I know women and his boss is hitting on him. Eric doesn’t want to admit it, but I think he’s flattered. I’m sure he enjoys the attention–and he believes she’s going to promote him. I have my doubts. Eric’s acting different too–he’s not coming home until 8 or 9 at night–and when she calls on his cell phone, he always leaves the room to talk to her. Why is that necessary? I’ve always had to fight for Eric’s attention. Between his huge family–and this–I might as well fade into the woodwork.”
Eric shares:
“I love Kathy, I really do, but I’m tired of having to reassure her all the time. Ever since we were dating, I’ve had to “prove” myself in one way or another. If you ask me, it’s because I broke off the engagement at one point. We were apart for almost a year, and yes, I dated someone else. I I wasn’t ready to get married–and I wasn’t cheating on Kathy. When we did get back together, I was ready. Why is that bad? And why do I feel like it set us up for a lifetime of her being jealous if I spend time with anyone else but her?
As far as my boss, it’s strictly work. I guess I’m excited to be on this project, especially in this economy–but I’m not looking for another woman. God knows, one is enough. To tell you the truth, I hope to one day have my boss’s job.
Many couples struggle with jealousy issues that started before they were married–just like Eric and Kathy. These hurts, intentional or not, can set up negative patterns and fears that repeat over and over in a relationship. Marriage counseling can help couples state their concerns, and find ways to deal with unresolved issues.
